Eur Such a Flirt!
If there’s a perfect place and time for risk taking, it’s a semester in Europe. Flirting has never been a talent of mine, to put it mildly, so I decided to try out the absolute worst flirting tips I could find. Naturally, I turned to Cosmo and Seventeen Magazine, both notorious for their terrible romance advice. Below are my fascinating findings. It's all for science! Word of warning: don’t try this at home. Check out a cutie on the subway for two seconds, look away, then glance back at him through lowered lashes. -Cosmo
Okay, so this isn’t the worst flirting tip I’ve ever seen, though glancing through lowered lashes is a lot harder than it sounds. I tried this tip on a few different “cuties” on various forms of public transportation during my weekend in Porto, Portugal. A lot of them straight up did not notice….or pretended not to? But I definitely had some eye contact romances. A big plus for this tip: no language barrier.
Sitting in a room full of guys? Turn sideways in your chair, cross your legs, arch your back, and run your fingers through your hair. -Cosmo
I kind of felt like I was doing pilates when I tried this one. There is absolutely no way to get into this position without A. looking like you are posing for your senior pictures or an equally terrible photo shoot, and B. getting the attention of everyone in your general vicinity, which I suppose is the point. I tried it on a train ride back to the Netherlands, and it resulted in a Dutch man with small eyes and slicked back hair looking nervously at me for the entire ride, before finally striking up a conversation with my travel group. He asked us where we were going, then moved to sit next to us as one of my travel mates proceeded to tell him every single detail of our journey, and everyone else did a lot of mental face palming. Luckily, we were only ten minutes from our destination and narrowly escaped a facebook friending.
“Trip,” fall against a man’s chest, and say “Damn, your pecs are so hard, I felt like I was falling into a wall.” -Cosmo
I wasn't sure how to trip-fall and I was feeling adventurous, so at a club in Barcelona full of study abroad students such as myself, I asked a friend to push me into a stranger’s arms. She did. Hard. After my jolted landing, which threw his shoulders back far enough that he almost fell, I said it: “Your pecs are so hard, I thought I was falling into a wall.” The response? “Okay.” Confused look. I took it as my cue to get as far away as possible from the guy, who was wearing a shirt covered in small lobsters and had very average pecs.
At a bar or coffeehouse, use the tip of your tongue to lick beer or espresso foam from your lips. -Cosmo
Just a few doors down from our Airbnb was Le Petit Princep, also known as The Best Café Ever. In just two days, I went three times. Fancy latte art, delicious eggy creations, and macaroons for dessert made it ideal for late morning brunches. In addition to the incredible food, this cafe also employed a pretty hot barista: muscular with dark features that contrasted with his brilliantly white smile. Anyway, I decided this tip was my opportunity to seduce him. I ordered a macchiato, deliciously foamy, and waited for my chance to pounce. And waited. And waited. It's crazy. This barista was too busy making drinks to look romantically in my direction! Finally, I asked for a glass of water and timed the lip lick so that it happened just as was handing me my water. He was definitely turned on. I could tell by how he blinked before returning to his work.
Pull your hair loose from a ponytail holder or clip so he can watch your touchable tresses fall around your face. -Cosmo
If it worked for Blake Lively’s character in Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, it's gotta work for me, right?
There were two main problems when I tried this while strolling through Park Guell in Barcelona, appreciating the sun, the ingenious architecture, and the blissful atmosphere. First, my hair length was barely past my shoulders. Second, my hair had been molded into ponytail shape, and it was way past the point of no return. Still, as I posed for a potential new profile picture, I made eye contact with a really cute boy, pulled out my hair tie, and let my stiff tendrils get some air. He laughed and then disappeared into the crowd.
Tease him a little. Example: When a guy you're talking to first tells you his name, say, "What?" so he has to lean in to repeat himself. Then say, "What?" again with a smile. You'll break the ice with your playful joke. -Seventeen Magazine
Who doesn't love a good playful joke? I know I do! I did this A LOT over the weekend, not really on purpose but more because it is near impossible to hear anything someone says to you in a crowded club blasting dance music. You know when a song you love comes on, and you start dancing more intensely and with a renewed energy? I was doing that, and I happened to make eye contact with a tall blonde man bun who was doing the same. He asked my name first, and by some miracle understood me. When I asked his name, which in hindsight I'm pretty sure is Colin, this is how our conversation went:
Katja: What's your name?
Man Bun: Calburn.
K: (leans closer) What?
K: DJ Khaled?
MB: (chuckles) Yeah. DJ Khaled.
I guess this technique works, because Man Bun/Colin/DJ Khaled and I proceeded to dance the night away.
As a hottie brushes by you, stop him in his tracks by saying, "Wow, you smell great." -Cosmo
I’m a little infuriated by how well this worked. I was standing near the restrooms with a friend, waiting for another friend to emerge, when I realized I was in the perfect location to make use of this tip. “I’ll do it to the next guy that walks out of the bathroom,” I told her. The next guy was approximately 50 years old, as was the one after him. The third guy to walk by was tall, blonde, and had a man bun...and it wasn't Colin. Let's call him Man Bun #2. (Is this my type? Hope not.) Though I couldn't smell anything, when he passed me I tapped his arm and said it. He leaned over to sniff me and then responded “Thanks, you smell good too.” Man Bun #2 was from Denmark and wasted no time in asking me to dance. Go figure.
Choose a theme song. Play it to pump yourself up while you're getting ready. Then whenever you hear it when you're out, it will make you feel good—and bold enough to say hi to the hottest of the hot guys! -Seventeen Magazine
My theme song of choice is “Once Upon a Time (I Was a Ho)” by Mariahlynn. Though I've never heard it while out, I feel this is the perfect song to get me pumped up and ready for a night of flirting fun. It's pretty catchy, so it tends to play in my head for a while after I listen to it, which helps me remember its message and continue to be motivated to seduce every boy in sight.
In all seriousness, though—these corny, unrealistic, and just plain bad flirting tips may not have done much to help me learn how flirting works, but they worked in conjunction with my theme song to help me gain a confidence I’ve never felt before. When you aren't worried about the outcome, it's easier to put yourself out there and say ridiculous things. Sometimes this can result in a cute guy to dance with all night. Other times, it can help create a comfort within. Though I definitely had some embarrassing moments, I'm glad I put myself out there and learned something about myself.
Photo by Hana Antrim